Ministry posses a tension I expected but hoped would resolve over time as I stepped into ministry. It was not the late nights, the spiritual warfare, but the people tension that made serving the hardest. The kind of tension that happens behind the scenes, in staff meetings, group texts, or Sunday morning chaos. I was extremely hopeful that given a few years, myself along with others, would learn to work together and feel like a team. It has been almost 4 years and things don’t feel as though they changed much at all.

Recently, I found myself in the middle of yet another moment in ministry. A ministry leader I serve alongside — a person whose authority I am under — decided, once again, to change a schedule that was put out months prior. Not for emergency reasons, not to help someone in need, but for reasons still unknown except for them. No warning. No group consensus. Just a quiet change taken the day before that left the rest of us wondering.

And somehow… I feel blamed.

Whispers, side-eyes, and subtle questions rolled in—”Why did the time change again?” or “You should’ve let us know sooner.”
Each time I wanted to say, “I didn’t even know until you did.” I struggled in that moment to be respectful with a response why feeling completely disrespected.

I sat in my car that evening—frustrated, undermined, and on the verge of wanting to quit.Why am I still here? Should I keep serving when it is so hard? Do I keep pouring out when it feels like I’m being emptied without anyone noticing?

But then came the quiet voice of the Lord reminding me:

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”
(Colossians 3:23)

This verse doesn’t mean we ignore injustice or let people steamroll us. But it reminds me who I’m really serving. I’m not showing up week after week for the approval of a leader, for perfect planning, or for ministry accolades. I serve because I love Jesus. And He loved me first.

When Leading Feels Like Losing

Here’s the messy part: I love the Church, but sometimes I really struggle with church people.
Not the lost, not the broken—but those inside the circle. The ones who lead but don’t feel that hear me. Who delegate without discussion. Who make decisions on there own and expect everyone else to follow, no questions asked.

Let me be honest: I wanted to walk away. I had every human reason to. I felt disrespected, overlooked, even betrayed.

But offense is a trap.
Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
Unity doesn’t mean ignoring dysfunction. It means choosing a better way—a grace-filled way—to respond.

So instead of confronting in anger or gossiping to feel validated, I will pray. I will breath. And I will ask God for clarity, not just about the situation—but about my own heart and confront once again to bring peace and clarity with God in the middle.

He reminded me: You can either walk away with bitterness, or stay and sow peace. I choose peace.

Ministry isn’t just about preaching, singing, or organizing events.
It’s about navigating human hearts—yours and others’.
It’s about showing up when it’s hard, choosing honor when it’s undeserved, and standing in the gap even when you’re misread.

No, it isn’t fair that I took the heat for a decision I didn’t make.
But maybe what’s fair isn’t the goal.
Maybe it’s faithfulness. I choose to pray for this person and the growth of the ministries they lead.

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So, to the One Who’s Tired of the Tension:

Keep showing up.
Keep honoring.
Keep leaning into grace even when your flesh wants to run.

God sees.
God knows.
And He promises to reward those who serve with integrity even when it’s messy.

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